If this time of quarantine has taught me anything, it is the truth of step one of the twelve steps.

Powerlessness.

We are all powerless over the reality of Covid 19. It is here. It permeates our society. It is invisible and virulent.

It also reminds us that we have the ability to choose to do our best to protect ourselves from infection. We have the power of choice. And when we follow the prescribed methods of keeping ourselves safe, we can choose to relax in the knowledge that we have done everything we can.

So yes, we are powerless over what comes into our lives, but we are not powerless as to our response.

In the case of betrayal, this would include taking good care of ourselves, setting boundaries to allow ourselves to be safe and then relax in the knowledge that ‘this too shall pass.’

What?? I hear you thinking. “I will NEVER forget the pain of this betrayal.”

Those who have lost loved ones to the virus will also never forget. Their hearts and lives are forever altered by something over which they had no control or choice. They too need to care for themselves, be gentle and kind and patient, as their deep wound begins to heal. The scar will always remain. Yet with self care, the work of processing through their new reality and eventually reaching acceptance, they can become a more compassionate stronger version of the person they were before this catastrophe tore a path of destruction through their lives.

Recovery from intimate betrayal takes time. So much time. Even in the best of circumstances–it takes time. Most of us do not have the ‘best of circumstances’. Many of us have a perpetrating partner that is still sick–still learning to heal the wounds that contributed to their devastating choice to betray. Few of them are in the position to provide the compassion and empathy we, the betrayed, so dearly need.

So, not unlike the ravages of a virus, or a terrible accident, storm, financial collapse—we are left to gather and nurture our resources of health and healing. We are left to reach out for help whether that be the strength of a dear friend, a support group, the rich educational resources of the internet and library–we CAN choose to heal.

And be so compassionately, tenderly patient.

We have suffered perhaps the most egregious emotional wound a person can suffer. Perhaps this wound has been inflicted over years and years of betrayal. Perhaps it was the result of a one night stand. Never the less, it has shattered our trust, our reality, the world we counted on to support and love us. The world where we thought our partner had or backs, protected and cherished us. The world we relied upon as having a healthy intact and reliable primary relationship. We have suffered the most devastating attachment wound from the one person we relied upon to be there for us and act in our best interest.

Be gentle, dear betrayed.

Be the most gentle with yourself.

You are the person you can count on to be there for you. You are the only person who has the ultimate control over your response to what life dishes out. My life gets better when I take responsibility for just me. Today I will mind my own business and keep my focus where it belongs–over the only person with whom I DO have control— me.

Let time take its time. Let go and Let my higher power/my higher self…. heal. Sweet healing.