Top left off–toothpaste drying out…

Underwear on the floor, damp towel on the bed, dirty socks that ‘missed’ the hamper…all are undoubted annoyances. Many a man has complained he is henpecked by an exasperated woman asking for compliance to be mindful. After all, in the grand scheme of life, who cares?

She does.

This stuff of everyday living, underneath the underneath, is not about the stuff.

It is about the message sent.

It is about feeling cared for and about–or not.

It is the day in and day out efforts of common courtesy that either add to her feeling of validity, or detract from it.

What may be the topic of eye rolling and sighs on his part is actually just one of a thousand little things that add up in her heart; not only add onto her burden of house maintenance. It sends the message that her requests are not heard. Worse yet, that her feelings and efforts do not matter.

Why shouldn’t he be entitled to relax in his own home? With his boss on his back and society telling him how he has to perform, shrugging a jacket onto a chair when entering the house after a long day is understandable.Isn’t it her job to meet her own unreasonable requests? No one ever died of having to pick up a few things before laundry day.

In a single person, single system house, this might make all sorts of sense.It would then be only one person responsible for caring for the stuff–or not. Only one person looking at and living with the results.

In a couple-ship or family this is ‘non-relational’. In truth it sends some very harmful and hurtful messages.

Beyond the cap on the toothpaste tube sitting on the countertop yet again, is what it implies.”Your wishes and needs are not important” “You are too demanding.” “This little stuff is ridiculous…save it for something big (and important).” “The work you do around the house is expected (and taken for granted).” “I am entitled to use you more as a maid than a partner.” “Your feelings and time aren’t on my radar.” “I have more important fish to fry.” “My comfort is paramount.” “Your requests and feelings are your concern, not mine.” “Your needs/ you are an annoyance.”

Perhaps worst of all “I don’t think about or consider you before acting.”

How can a woman feel loved or safe if her partner does not consider her?

She can’t.