As we age many of us are concerned with losing our memories and the dark specter of dementia.

Both my mother and maternal grandmother had dementia so when my partner became increasingly concerned with his memory, I prayed for a reprieve from this challenge. A recent visit to a neurologist opened my eyes.

When she asked what signs I had been noticing in my partner, I mentioned a litany of objects that had been lost. She said “That is not memory. That is a lack of mindfulness.” Hmmm….

The appointment went on with further testing. Tests indicated that memory issues were within the normal perimeters of the aging process and that we should keep tabs on any progression over time. Relief, mixed with ‘what if’s’, washed over me.

Over the next few days and weeks I paid close attention to his behaviors and reflected upon past incidents of frustrating outcomes.It became more and more apparent to me what she had referred to as a lack of mindfulness.

So what is the difference?

Memory is forgetting where you left your keys. Mindfulness is placing your keys in the same location every time so that the memory of where they are kept can direct you to their location. You only have to remember where the keys are kept, not the hundred and one places you may have left them because you were not mindful enough to return them to their assigned location. The loss of misplaced keys is not a memory issues. It is a failure of practicing mindfulness.You have to record a memory to be able to remember it. If you mindlessly set down an item..no memory is recorded. Not a memory problem, this is an example of lack of mindfulness.The intentional recording of a memory in one’s mind.

If and when you forget the location of the assigned place where your keys are kept…that is a memory issue.If you forget where you keep the milk, that is a memory problem. You have recorded (numerous times) that the milk is in the refrigerator.If you forget where your bedroom is in your home, that is a memory problem.

Life is full of challenges, but sabotaging yourself by choosing a slap dash approach to managing your life is not one of the inevitable ones.Dementia is something science can not stop or even fully understands, but choosing self responsibility in managing your things is something totally within your control.

Good news!

We do not have to settle for being labelled the absent minded professor with all the frustration that ensues, or worse yet, suffer the night terrors of imagining ourselves deteriorating into some lonely room of a memory unit in a care facility.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers at 67. Even under the weight of this incurable progressive illness, she knew her quality of life depended on what she would do for herself to accommodate for her failing memory. The tools that had stood, within her, the test of time, such as her calendar and grocery list, she chose to strengthen and expanded into using post its, mapping the floorpan of the grocery store to reduce having to revisit aisles, and thus diminish her reliance on someone else having to do the chores of daily living.

Yes, over the months and years the calendar became dog eared with her checking and rechecking, the loss of her driving privilege inevitable for her own safety and asking the same question more frequent, but losing her belongings was not an issue. She knew the importance of organization and consistency in her life both pre and post diagnosis. She certainly did not deny her challenge nor place the burden of self management onto someone else when it was not necessary. The arrogance of hubris and denial were not her issues. She chose better.

She loved her family and valued her independence too much to allow a lack of willingness to practice daily mindful behaviors steal her self respect or over burden her loved ones. For this I hold her in the highest regard.

Count your blessings every day you have the privilege of managing your own life. The seemingly mundane tools of calendar, list and mindful habit are your blessings to uphold.

Thank God you have them and the choice to employ them.