It is so understandable and common to be swept away by a tsunami of grief and triggers when your spouse has betrayed you. It is the stuff of PTSD.

The body stores this trauma, pouring hormones, adrenaline and other unhealthy levels of chemicals into the bloodstream of the traumatized. It is we’ll known the delirious effect of long term stress. Being blindsided by infidelity and the ensuing loss of the marriage and spouse you thought you had is a recipe for just that. Loooooooooooong term stress.

I’ve read accounts of persons so effected having a horrible day of stomach aches, headaches, body aches and nausea only to discover that it is the anniversary of a day of traumatic revelations. The body does indeed keep the score (Bessell Van Der Kolk In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr Van Der Kolk uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust.)

I have witnessed the hair trigger reactions of a combat survivor. Scary for me the listener, but devastating for the person so easily triggered by a life occurrence that most could take in stride. I have felt my own roiling stomach, crawling skin, shortness of breath, waves of impending doom and late night wakings without hope or ability to return to a restful sleep. Many have referred to it as hell on earth.

Hell would be preferable.

There is hope and good news. For those who have tried and failed to quell the assault of unwanted symptoms, there are methods that help. Cognitive Process Therapy, EMDR, carefully prescribed and monitored medications are among some of the proven professionally driven hope.

For many of us the answer lies in a tincture of time and a large dose of mindfulness. Presence. Gratitude for all that is good in the here and now. Treating ourself well, as you would a dear friend who needed kindness and compassion. The benefits of self care, self compassion, slowing down to smell the cliche roses pays off hugely. It doesn’t happen anywhere near overnight, but with tenacity and care, it does happen.

I have been on local and distant excursions since d-day. I have been able to breath in the wonder of each place I have visited by remain fully present. Call it distraction through intention or what you will—I have found in it great relief from the perseverative intrusion of trauma reminders.

If you are still stuck in “Having a great time, Wish I were here”, thinking, you are the victim of your body and mind on trauma. You can heal. You can soothe the fire of anxiety. You can do it through patient practice of presence. No need to travel (though travel is wonderful balm). Nature is as close as outdoors. Beauty is there. Wonders and miracles exist there as they exist in allowing yourself to be swept up in beautiful music, art, hobby or other beloved activity.

If you can’t seem to get yourself ‘there, perhaps you need an evaluation for some of the professional interventions mentioned. There is no shame in needing help to heal. You deserve compassionate care and love.

For those who can baby step their way into mindful presence—you will increasingly be able to say “Having a Great Time. I AM here!”