My UH actually talked about recognizing his knee jerk reaction, anger and defensiveness WELL AFTER the event, but hey.

He recognized it.

That means he 1- thought about it. 2- processed through his reaction enough to verbalize it. 3- Shared it at his 12 step meeting, so he tells me. 4- Took enough responsibility for it, that he actually admitted it to me.

*jaw drops*

You may not think this is big stuff, but for someone who is six and a half years out from his financial betrayal admission and four years out from d-day for his infidelity, this is sooooooo overdue and slow in coming. And huge.

Has he moved beyond recognition of his thinking? Apparently not.

One does have to recognize and admit what one is doing before one can attempt change, let alone attend to the people hurt by his actions.

That ‘people’ would be me in this case.

Actually that person is me in thousands of instances he has yet to acknowledge and amend. What is so dang tough about apologizing? He used to be very good at it. Ahhh…but that was before his brokenness, his double life and the escalation of multiple addictions.

I praised him for a job well done and said it was a great step toward personal healing and betterment. I also said it was a step toward recognizing how his choices affect others as well. (One can hope)

Hope does seem to burn eternal. I have pretty much detached from just about everything having to do with him that I can—short of physical separation (we are in house seperated) or divorce. Not much left but fragments of a relationship. Passing ships is more like it.

I received a canvas I ordered, of my daughter on a sailboat—printed from a photo of her taken a couple years ago. I began painting it, as I have another photo/painting I finished of her with my granddaughter that I plan to give to her when I see them in mid March. This painting is going to be for my bedroom wall. I plan on doing one of my son and one of my foster daughter as well as my granddaughter. A wall of family photo/paintings. I makes me happy to think about it. Makes me even happier to be actually painting. Just that undertaking really rescued my sanity today—after the debacle of my UH’s tirade described above.

Congratulations, Christine. You rescued yourself from going down the drain. You watched a PBS show about the California Coastline and you painted on a picture of your daughter. Wonderful self care. Bravo! (This is me providing my own kudos and raised self esteem)

Whoo hoo!