I listened to a podcast today about the stages of betrayal recovery. Some of the stages had a bit of a different twist to them but what the originator/researcher had to say about the benefit of betrayal really got me to thinking. Benefit?? WHAT???

She said that the universe basically keeps presenting each of us with lessons to learn through the challenges we face. Nothing new in that, but what she said next stuck with me. She said that it sometimes takes something as life changing as betrayal for the victim to really ‘get it’.

“Get it”? Isn’t that what the unfaithful are supposed to be working on understanding? How their horrible choices have effected their partner and other person(s) of acceptable collateral damage? Well–yes. But she wasn’t talking about them.

In the case of the betrayed–what are we to ‘get’?

Self esteem. Self value. We are to learn how very precious we have ALWAYS been and how often we may have put ourselves on the discount rack. So many betrayed are so busy engaging in supporting others, they have no time to tend to their own spirits health and intuition. We betrayed are so often the givers, the supporters of our spouse and family. The hard working, trying to make ends meet glue of our families and workplace….at our expense.

We have allowed ourselves to be taken advantage of unannounced to —us. Ever so slowly and surely our self interest, care and respect has been eroded away in service of others.

If there is one BIG, HUGH, GINORMOUS lesson to learn in this horrible, whack up the side of the head, heart destroying betrayal it is this: We are and always have been worth so much more care and respect than we DEMANDED for ourselves. We sold ourselves short. We allowed our boundaries to be time and again crossed. OUT OF LOVE–yes, but nevertheless true.

We did not respect and love ourselves enough.

I allowed myself to be used. I went too far. I gave too much. I lost my own tender heart in the midst of caregiving. I was and am worth SO much better, so much more.

And here’s the rub – I will NEVER allow that to happen again. I will not place myself on the discount rack. I will care for myself first and foremost. I will thrive again and use my regained personal strength to broadcast this message to those who follow behind.

Beloved betrayed. You are worth so much better, so much more.

I remember my mom saying ‘you gotta lie down to be stepped on.’ Dang–a woman ahead of her time and a lesson I didn’t learn without this despicable betrayal.

I will NEVER allow myself to be taken advantage of, taken for granted, do things for others they can and should do for themselves. I will give as I can and not pay too high a price to myself. I will thrive. I will give out of love–of self first.

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This was sooo my life over thirty years ago, and looks like it has not changed. ASK for what you need! https://www.mother.ly/life/self-care-is-not-enough-to-fix-how-much-moms-are-burnt-out?utm_source=rebeccaeaines&utm_medium=partnership&utm_campaign=fbpost&fbclid=IwAR3dc23CtG0I1noiaLyufdHF5BP0X_AaLB1M3XFxG_KyjJXD-u9NSyrRoz8