Sounds so new age, doesn’t it….until you actually feel lost. (I gleaned this info from a Bloom for Women online workshop. I highly recommend Bloom for free classes accessible through the internet. Very helpful.)

Depression can be the same thing as feeling lost and discouraged, but actual clinical depression will require more steps than self help. Clinical depression needs professional intervention. I’m not talking about that. (though I have suffered it early on in this betrayal trauma recovery journey)

Take a minute to reflect. “In what ways do I feel lost?” Each of us will have our own story of loss….how we got to this place. When we get lost our emotions start to take over. We are often afraid. Fear paralyzes us. It limits us. It makes and keeps us stuck.

Do you feel you have lost your direction or focus? This is about thwarted expectations. Things you wanted to happen or that failed to happen. People don’t come through. “I guess I am not going in the direction I thought I was going in.”

If you can install even three of these into each day you will be well on your way to finding direction and focus: Giving, relating, exercising, appreciating, learning, goals, positivity, self acceptance, spirituality. Pick just three to work on at first. Set small goals. Plan these habits into your day. They will revive you.

Lose your purpose? Life doesn’t have the same meaning. What new meaning is there? Feeling shame for where you find yourself or who you are can become blame can become the narrow lens through which you see yourself. This can happen through being in a difficult relationship or a loss. Truth is, we do not have one identity. When we feel lost we see the world through a restricted lens. We need to broaden the story, the lens, to discover purpose.

The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves matter. Some are on a loop and they tell us we are something we may no longer be, or are so narrow and limited as to prevent our moving to a different aspect of ourselves or a re-invention. We are in the business of re-creating ourselves.

If you continually tell yourself a negative story about yourself or your circumstances, you are warping the broad and rich reality of your many identities into a dark narrow place. Take the” I’m lost, no good, will never be XYZ” narrative off the front stage and create a new narrative. Tell yourself a different story, a winning story.

Lose your connections/relationship? Be vulnerable enough to reach out. Talk. Ask for what you need. “Hey, I’m lonely tonight. Feel like doing something?” or “Hey, I’d like to talk about something that’s been rattling around inside my head and see what you think.”

Help the helper (that’s you). Channel what you have learned through this difficult circumstance into helping someone else. What suggestions would you give to someone in your situation? Brainstorm. It is a great way to reconnect with your humanity and find meaning, fulfillment and motivation. When you help, mentor or teach another you pull yourself up ‘Mount Healing’ along with the person you are helping. Whether your traumatic event leads you to a whole new career or avocation, or it becomes a personal strengthening agent, it will steer you, change you. The good news is you can choose to have it change you for the good.